Monday, October 18, 2010

The Softest Whisper Changed Me

As I finished wiping the kitchen counter at 10:15 last night, realizing that I had been up since 5:00am and had a couple of hours of work left to do before I could go to bed, I began to feel sorry for myself. I was tired, my back ached, and I longed to slump into bed with a book and relax for a few minutes. But in that moment of self-pity, I was blessed (and challenged). With the softest whisper, the Lord asked me, "what is a wife of noble character?"

What is a wife of noble character?

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

"Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

I was humbled. What an amazing woman. What an inspiration. What an example. I'm sure there were many moments when she was exhausted and wished she could take a break. But she didn't. She was noble. She walked in obedience, even when it was hard.

In that moment I was reminded that I too am walking in obedience. I have no doubt that by caring for my husband and child, I am fulfilling God's call on my life. Sure, some days are going to be difficult, and that's okay. He warns us that, when we are following His plan for our life, we will encounter hardship. But He also assures us that He will walk beside us during those difficult times.

So, with that gentle whisper, I choose to embrace the hardship, giving thanks that He has entrusted me with this life.

Lord, give me the strength to walk in obedience. Continue to remind me that this life is not about me, but about bringing glory to You. Transform me into a wife of noble character. May I honor You in everything that I do.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Dwight Bruss

It's been 12 days since my father-in-law passed away. In some ways I can't believe it's been that long, in other ways, it feels like it's been even longer. I didn't know my father-in-law very well. Brian and I have been married for three years. We spent the first year in Arizona, and for the last, Dwight has been ill. I can't express what a blessing it was to me to sit with his family and friends for the days leading up to his funeral and hear about the Dwight they all knew so well.

What an incredible man. A god-fearing, faithful, loving man. There were countless stories, from people he knew from every stage of his life, of how he made such a huge impact. One of my favorite stories is how he spent every Thanksgiving delivering meals to those in need. Instead of merely dropping off the meal, which I'm sure was a blessing in and of itself, he would take the time to talk with them and prayer for them. What a perfect picture of who he was. Always authentically caring for others. Always taking the time to find out what was going on in their lives. Always desiring to share Christ's love. What an example of who we all should be.

Although I did not know Dwight well, as I heard stories about him, I realized that I have seen a beautiful picture of who he is through Brian. One of the things I love most about Brian is his willingness and desire to befriend and love those society may call outcasts. Brian is one of the most accepting, welcoming people I know. He truly tries to love people as Christ loves them. After hearing the stories about Dwight, I know that Brian learned that from his father.

Although Dwight is now with Jesus, he is still making an impact on this world. The values and character he instilled in Brian is continuing to change the lives countless people. And I am confident that as our children grow, Brian will pass the same characteristics on to them. What a beautiful legacy. Let it live on forever.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Embracing the Hardship

Life is hard. It's filled with pain, heartache, disappointment, grief, and discontentment. Every time I find myself going through one of these difficult times, without fail, the question "why?" crosses my mind. Awhile back, my amazing husband blogged about pain (in fact, it was this blog that pushed me over the edge to madly-in-love with him). Read it if you haven't. I guarantee you will be blessed. Brian's blog speaks of the hidden blessings in the tough times, and how we should embrace the pain, knowing that God will use the hardship we endure for His purposes in the end. Still, despite knowing this, I still inevitably ask "why do I have to go through this?"

God has answered that question, yet again. Those of you who have read my testimony know that I went through a very dark period five years ago. At the time, I asked "why?" Not long after, Christ clearly answered that question when I came to know Him as my savior. But he continues to answer my "why?" Just this week I was blessed to meet with a woman going through a similar situation that I went through. Although the facts are different, the root of the issue is the same. She, too, is placing her security in things other than Christ. I was moved to tears as she asked me to walk along side her as she worked through these issues. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." What a blessing to use what I have learned through the hardships I have endured to show Christ's love and comfort to another. Knowing that the pain I suffered may help another grow closer to Christ makes it all worth it.

Lord, use me. Open my eyes to the people and situations around me that enable me to display your grace, love, mercy, and comfort. What an honor to be Your vessel.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Out of the Mouth of a Babe

"Knowing all the good that has come of it, I wouldn't change it for the world." How many of us can speak these words in the middle of a difficult and terrifying time? To be honest, I'm not sure that I would be able to. But, these words came out of the mouth of a 15 year old boy tonight as he spoke of all that he and his family have been going through since he was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor several weeks ago. Amazing. He spoke of the impact his medical condition has had on his relationship with God, his family's relationship with God, and even that of those who merely hear his story. And it's true. I have been deeply impacted by his story. His faith, his perseverance, his compassion, have truly been an inspiration to me.

Several weeks ago he was brought on stage at church and asked specifically how we can pray for him. What was his answer? Please pray for my mom because she is really struggling with this. Wow. Even in the time of his greatest need, when he would be most justified to live selfishly, he was thinking of others. It reminded me of the story in Luke where Jesus cried out to his Father, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." After being abused and ridiculed mercilessly, when He was most justified to feel anger and resentment, Jesus was pleading on his abuser's behalf. What an immeasurable selfless act. I see that same character in this young man.

Every time I hear a bit of this young man's story, my eyes fill with tears. Though part of it is sadness, most of it is pride. What an amazing, godly man. What an example he is to everyone, both young and old, of what true faith is. I can only hope and pray that my own son will be as godly as he is.

I also hope and pray that I will be a godly role model to my children, just as this young man's mother has been to him. She has poured endlessly into her children's lives; teaching them godly principles and helping them develop the character we see exhibited in this young man today. I am inspired by her to be in such intimate relationship with Christ that my children can't help but see Him in all aspects of my life. And I pray that as I walk the path of parenthood and I am faced with difficult situations, that I will lean on Him and rest in the assurance of my Heavenly Father.

Thank you for your leadership Kilhoffer family!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I'm back...

I haven't blogged in months. Not because I haven't had anything to share, but because I'm a lawyer and a perfectionist. That means that it takes me A VERY LONG TIME to write each entry. In law school I learned how important every word you write is, and I can't seem to get that out of my mind. So I pour over every word, ensuring that it is the most efficient way to articulate what I'm trying to convey. Seriously. It's an illness. But, I'm turning a new leaf. It's time that I loosen up, and just start sharing what is on my heart, without worrying about whether it is perfect. So, I'm back. :) See, an entry written in less than a minute. Pretty good start to the new me!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Making the Family Tree: Part II

Here's what is awesome about Matthew including women in Jesus' family tree. The women he included were not perfect. I'm sure he could have chosen Proverbs 31 women to include, but he didn't. He chose women who had done something morally questionable. Tamar disguised herself as a prostitute and tricked her father-in-law into sleeping with her. Rahab was the Jericho prostitute who hid the Hebrew spies during the invasion of Canaan. In her attempt to get Boaz to marry her, Ruth slipped into his bed while he was sleeping. And the wife of Uriah, Bathsheba, willingly gave herself to King David while her husband was still alive. Not exactly model women, right? But that wasn't the point. Being perfect is never the point. The point is that God can, and does, use sinners for His glory.

I love that God uses sinful, but repentant, people to do great things. Think about Paul. He is undoubtedly one of the most godly men to ever walk the earth. But who was he before he repented and gave his life to Christ? He was a zealous and violent persecutor of Christians. Yet God used him, just as He used Tamar, Ruth,
Rahab, and Bathsheba. Paul wasn't perfect. He knew perfection is never the point. Paul was obedient.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Luke 5:31-32, where Jesus says, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." How true is that! Jesus came to seek and save the lost. It is our very emptiness that allows God to fill us with power; it is our very weakness that permits God to display strength; it is our memory of failure that creates understanding and compassion for others who, like us, need Christ's love and forgiveness.

I am inspired by Tamar, Ruth, Rahab, and Bathsheba, because I am not perfect either. I have a sinful past. But like them, God is going to use me for His glory. I wholeheartedly believe that God has let me have the experiences I have had, feel the pain I have felt, and receive the redemption I have received, so that I can share His love with those who find themselves where I once was. It should not be our goal to be perfect. Being perfect is never the point. It should be our goal to be obedient. When we are obedient is when God will use us, and we too can be part of an amazing legacy.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Making the Family Tree

Have you ever read Matthew 1? It's the genealogy of Jesus. Not exactly the most inspiring verses of the Bible (is that wrong to say?). That's why I was a disappointed to find Matthew 1 as my daily reading on the first day of my fast. I knew God was going to challenge me through this fast, but I didn't expect it to begin with genealogy. Yet this is what I found. . .

There amongst forty-two generations of fathers and sons, were five women: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Uriah's wife, and Mary. I couldn't help but wonder, what did these women do to make the family tree? I knew they must have done something significant to gain mention, but I was surprised to discover how different, yet inspiring, each of their stories was.

To be continued . . .